Helping little hands

August and the long, hopefully sunny, school holidays are well on us parents

For working parents it's a frenetic juggling of childcare, with quality-time holidays that might leave you wondering just what family life is all about as the kids grizzle that they're bored and hungry.

Sometimes it can all get a bit too much and you can find yourself snapping with ever increasing frequency and wondering whether a dose of TV's Supernanny or Dr Tanya Bryon's House of Tiny Terrors is just what's needed.

What you don't want is your own mum telling you what you're doing wrong, or well-meaning friends offering so much advice your head spins.

Former health visitor Jackie Grier is a qualified nurse with 20 years experience and now a much-in-demand parent coach. The mother of two teenagers, who launched Stonehouse-based Emerald Parent Coaching last September, says, 'I used to get frustrated with the time limits imposed on me as a health visitor but still wanted to be involved with children and parents.

'I am not like Supernanny, there's no marching in and telling parents what to do. I listen and give parents lots of support and solutions, by getting them to identify what the problems are, how to tackle them and most importantly praise the child for the good things they do.'

Isobel (not her real name ) is a successful business woman and mum of four daughters. It was her 13-year-old's behaviour that sent her tracking down Jackie.

She says, 'The constant conflict made me feel I wasn't coping and it really got me down. I liked both what Jackie said and her approach. She's very calm and I didn't feel judged or that it was the first time she'd come across problems like mine.

'I had to change the way I reacted to Beth because my behaviour was exacerbating hers. Of course I reverted at times and there was more conflict. Jackie helped me look at our behaviour together, showed me strategies to deal with her and I even had a star chart so I could put down the good things she was doing rather than notice the bad. Beth didn't know I was doing this, mind you, it was to help me cope.

'It was easier to work to a plan and have someone to talk it over with. While my husband is very supportive of me he works hard, gets home late and with four girls to deal with, lets it all go over his head.

'I met Jackie three times, which was enough to see a real change, then I told Beth about her and we talked a lot of things through with a focus on the positive.

'I'd go again if necessary because it's so easy to lose communication with teenagers and feel very powerless.'

Jackie will either meet face-to-face or listen on the phone, not only to local parents but those further afield, including one mum from Birmingham who'd suffered a traumatic birth which had left her depressed with her now 17-month-old toddler.

'Most of the time,' says Jackie, 'it's giving someone the chance to talk and be listened to, then offering common sense advice. I get them to look at what they are doing right because so many are highly self-critical, lacking in confidence and frequently isolated.'

Now the majority of mums work and, for many, they find the element of control they have in the office bliss compared to the potential chaos of home life.

But at the same time they feel very guilty about working, so when they come home they hate laying down rules, plus put themselves under extraordinary pressure to be perfect at home and at work, still doing the lion's share of domestic chores, cooking, shopping and childcare.

She says, 'One working mum with an 18-month-old and four-year-old felt happier at work. The older one was so controlling about food she'd end up preparing six different meals. I found she had untreated post-natal depression with both children and felt guilty about being a good mum and unable to say "no". We talked about boundaries, cutting down meal choices and it took a month to see radical changes.

'The four-year-old started cooking with her and we used stickers as a reward plus lots and lots of praise. The mum said that for the first time ever she now wanted to come home at night to her children.'

She's also been surprised by the number of parents who contact her with 5 to 12-year-olds facing problems at school such as shyness, step-family issues, divorce, bullying and peer pressure.

'There's nowhere for this group of parents to go,' she says, 'you have support when they are little then suddenly you are on your own.'

While it's mostly mums who contact her, dads are supportive and one father with children from a previous relationship, now living with a woman with children, is treading carefully through the step-child minefield with Jackie.

Jackie also runs group workshops, as well as lunchtime sessions that deal with specific issues and give advice to employers on how to help look after staff who are parents.

So what does it cost? At £30-an-hour or £40 for face-to-face sessions it's an extra squeeze on family budgets, but not for long and a small price to pay for peace of mind for the whole family.

If you'd like to know more about her new parenting course costing just £50 starting in Stroud in September, or would like some coaching contact Jackie on 01453 791 409 or visit www.emeraldparentcoaching.co.uk